Friday, October 29, 2004
King Python
The mouse was small and beige. Not particulalry "cute"... not like a hamster or a baby squirrel.. like the ones you see at Chatuchak market in Bangkok every weekend... huddled anxiously in wire cages .. the week's "stock" for the marketeers hoping to collect a few hundred baht to keep them going for another week.
No, this mouse was ordinary.. kind of ugly even with its skinny ragged body and rat-like features.. too beige to be "cute" enough to considered a pet... surely not.
Just the right kind of mouse mammal which is expendible.. so it's not so hard to simply pick it up by the tail and ... whoops... pop him or IT into the terrarium.
And Tyson was fast.
He dispatched of the little ugly rodent within seconds.. he had emerged from his favourite spot - languishing happily in a saucer of water with only the top of his slithery head not submerged - Tyson had IT's neck clamped tightly in his jaws. The mouse never moved... it died very quickly.
The swallowing would take a lot longer .. and was quite fascinating really.
Once one had gotten over the idea of how revolting it was to actually watch an animal ( a SNake for that matter) consume a live mammal right in front of one -- well once one was over that -- it was quite mesmerising.
Tyson, you must have gatheredm by now, was a python. He had also been bought at the Chatuchak Market. Not by me, mind you.. but i hadn't objected.
Tyson was just a common python --- nothing fancy or protected... yet a python all the same.
"He need one mouse -- alive every week sir" the stall holder reminded," 25baht a mouse... snake not eat dead only live okee?".
So that is how this snake arrived in my house -- and things have not gone all that smoothly mind.. also in my house is a soi dog (supposed to be a jack russel and also bought from the same market -- although he is a pet -- not dinner) He is completely devoid of any common sense ... and looking susupiciously more unlike a jack russell every day.
Also in my house is a four year old boy with a very inquiring mind who dreams of one day growing up to become super spiderman -- slayer of dragons -- rescuer of princesses from tall towers using his digimon mon waterblaster...
One day, the owner of the snake decided to buy three ugly mice -- the reasoning: to save him from having to go off to the market every weekend.. he could just drop in one a week.
Things just dont work that way in reality do they?
Unfortunately, the mice were left in a cardboard box on a lowlying table in the lounge.
and who should come by, but the dragon slayer.
When i came home a while later ... i found the young dragon-slayer with his new-found pets - who had been transferred into much more comfortable accommodation ... a shoebox with a little cushion and some water..
By the time it came to feed, now very hungry Tyson - who was looking exceedingly more pissed off as each day passed without mouse -- he only ended up getting one.
Fate took an odd twist ... one of the other mice escaped from his new-found "luxury" only to taste freedom for less than a minute as Jack leapt up from his usual spot chewing on the shoe rack ... and swallowed the little bugger whole ... right there in front of everyone.
The other little mouse - got some respite from what would turn out to be his inevitable destiny of -- well being eaten, he got away.
For about a week, Little Ugly Rodent lived the life of riley in my house ... emerging from his array of hiding places to pinch a few breadcrumbs or pillage Jack's bowl ( though that was pretty foolhardy i have to admit) ... no-one could catch him and it seemed it would live to be a mouse for longer than we expected...
But the world is a harsh place -- and little rodent was caught behind the treadmill one night -- and
Tyson was satisfied for anohter week....
No, this mouse was ordinary.. kind of ugly even with its skinny ragged body and rat-like features.. too beige to be "cute" enough to considered a pet... surely not.
Just the right kind of mouse mammal which is expendible.. so it's not so hard to simply pick it up by the tail and ... whoops... pop him or IT into the terrarium.
And Tyson was fast.
He dispatched of the little ugly rodent within seconds.. he had emerged from his favourite spot - languishing happily in a saucer of water with only the top of his slithery head not submerged - Tyson had IT's neck clamped tightly in his jaws. The mouse never moved... it died very quickly.
The swallowing would take a lot longer .. and was quite fascinating really.
Once one had gotten over the idea of how revolting it was to actually watch an animal ( a SNake for that matter) consume a live mammal right in front of one -- well once one was over that -- it was quite mesmerising.
Tyson, you must have gatheredm by now, was a python. He had also been bought at the Chatuchak Market. Not by me, mind you.. but i hadn't objected.
Tyson was just a common python --- nothing fancy or protected... yet a python all the same.
"He need one mouse -- alive every week sir" the stall holder reminded," 25baht a mouse... snake not eat dead only live okee?".
So that is how this snake arrived in my house -- and things have not gone all that smoothly mind.. also in my house is a soi dog (supposed to be a jack russel and also bought from the same market -- although he is a pet -- not dinner) He is completely devoid of any common sense ... and looking susupiciously more unlike a jack russell every day.
Also in my house is a four year old boy with a very inquiring mind who dreams of one day growing up to become super spiderman -- slayer of dragons -- rescuer of princesses from tall towers using his digimon mon waterblaster...
One day, the owner of the snake decided to buy three ugly mice -- the reasoning: to save him from having to go off to the market every weekend.. he could just drop in one a week.
Things just dont work that way in reality do they?
Unfortunately, the mice were left in a cardboard box on a lowlying table in the lounge.
and who should come by, but the dragon slayer.
When i came home a while later ... i found the young dragon-slayer with his new-found pets - who had been transferred into much more comfortable accommodation ... a shoebox with a little cushion and some water..
By the time it came to feed, now very hungry Tyson - who was looking exceedingly more pissed off as each day passed without mouse -- he only ended up getting one.
Fate took an odd twist ... one of the other mice escaped from his new-found "luxury" only to taste freedom for less than a minute as Jack leapt up from his usual spot chewing on the shoe rack ... and swallowed the little bugger whole ... right there in front of everyone.
The other little mouse - got some respite from what would turn out to be his inevitable destiny of -- well being eaten, he got away.
For about a week, Little Ugly Rodent lived the life of riley in my house ... emerging from his array of hiding places to pinch a few breadcrumbs or pillage Jack's bowl ( though that was pretty foolhardy i have to admit) ... no-one could catch him and it seemed it would live to be a mouse for longer than we expected...
But the world is a harsh place -- and little rodent was caught behind the treadmill one night -- and
Tyson was satisfied for anohter week....
Tuesday, October 12, 2004
Is there a doctor in the house?
| The man looked me in the eye, smiled and said: yes i am a doctor, but i am not being a doctor today... i just have my lunch here... solleee ok?.
The nurse hurried in and began translating what the kindly old gentleman accross from me had just said (in broken english) into even worse broken english. Enter another guy who is about as close to the medical profession as Medieval John the dung gatherer.. "so what is your ailment madamme?" ... This is bangkok, thailand... and i needed to see a doctor. Not that the ailment was life threatening or anything -- but u know, sometimes you just have to see the doc. Having lived in the big city for a few months and largely quite liking it, it is quite honestly a bit of a stressful town... and things were starting to get to me a bit. So, i thought a trip to the doc -- who might be able to prescribe something to calm my nerves for a while.. might me a good idea. Most of us who have worked for big corporations ( in most countries) know that there is often a "company doctor" . His purpose i reckon to save on down time .. and sort out the working plebs quickly and cheaply. The Bangkok Post is no exception.... Upon hearing that from some colleagues, i thought Well that's a relief, -- having become quite accustomed to the irritations involved in trying to achieve just about anything here -- This includes everything from paying your rent, getting a telephone line, getting the dog to the vet, to finding a taxi driver who hasn't at least considered ripping you off from the moment he slaps eyes on you. My sense of relief was shortlived... The doctor is there alright -- and there are certificates on the wall and a sweet looking nurse receptionist up front guarding a "dispensary". But, as i discovered after much to-ing and fro-ing, if you are sick, you must go to the hospital. The conversation went like this: "Afternoon doctor... u are the doctor?" "Yes" (enter "nurse") "YOu work here? "Yes..but my first time" "(nurse) "ohhh - you have x-ray and medical examination?" "No - i just want to chat to the doctor - not a big deal" "ohh - bu u work here- u mus ge x-ray" "ok - but can i talk to doctor now?" "ohh ok" (nurse remains standing in room listening intently, door wide open) "so doctor, can u help me i have been under a lot of stress lately ..can u prescribe something for me? "huh?" "can u help me.. have been under a lot of pressure ... maybe help get over a blip.. u know work. living in a foreign city -- battling to get things done... feeling harassed.. my boyfriend doesn't understand me [and neither does my husband hahaahah].. not being understood -- u know?" "huh?" (frustration welling up -- yoga breaths ) |
Doc -- do u understand me?
Uh - a little - a bit english --
(nurse) u cannot get perscription here okee? what is your problem?
"well i thought i would tell the doc about that if that's ok with you?"
doc looking more confused than ever: " i cannot treat you -
u ahven't heard of the hypocratic oath? u have to
"i cannot" -
"so what u do here"?
"huh?"
Enter man with name tag round neck --
"so what is wrong with you?
"are u a doctor? "
"no "
"well i thought i might tell the doctor what's wrong - but he says he can't treat me"
Ah u must sort yourself out then.. no doctors here .. u have to go to hospital ..
There are now about five people in the doc's little consulting room... all talking to eachother -- and i have not a clue what they are saying - except that i am concentrating on my breathingthe guy with the name tag doesn't appear to like the idea that a foreigner could possibly want medical assistance form a doctor -
The doctor goes back to reading his paper and the nurse says - you go to hospital ok?
bewildered i retreat --- still no closer to getting anywhere - and now REALLY stressed
A valium go down well now-- if i could get one - or even just a few large vodkas if that's all it looks like i am going to be able to get.
